Haunted
by ivyfedora
Summary: I'm a girl who wishes she wouldn't dream the same dream for months on end. I need help. But I'm also a Starling, and Starlings can't cry. They're not allowed to.


_The Cahill girl pleads with me, eyes wide. "Don't," she says. I ignore her, starting toward the doorway. I will make my branch proud, I think, determined. Mom will actually be telling me she's proud of me, that she knew I was the best. My siblings have the same thoughts, and we run like wolves are snapping at our heels. I'm actually not the first to step into the doorway, Ned is. _

_I notice a faint vibrating coming from the ground, as if it's about to explode. The last word doesn't register until two precious seconds go by. Explode. Bomb. Run. My warning dies in my throat as the ground erupts in flame._

* * *

"What was that," a shaky voice asks. "I think I heard screaming."

The soft click of the lights turning on, then complete panic.

* * *

_Fast forward, I'm staring at the pastel colors of the pills. I obediently swallow them like a good little patient, taking little sips of water. Red. Helps with the burns. Blue. Helps with the scars. _

_I swallow the black stripes, the purple and the navy blue. Then I'm left with the most disgusting color on the planet._

_Yellow. Smiley-face, cheerful yellow. I hate this particular shade even more, since it's the exact same as my mother's sundress. The day she told me she wished I was blind instead. _

* * *

"Are you okay? What's happening to her? Ian, tell me!"

A silky British voice responds, but it sounds like the owner is struggling to keep the others calm.

"I don't...I don't know."

* * *

_"I hope you get better," she says, depositing the daisies with a smile. It seems kind of forced, so I tiptoe out into the hallway to listen in on them. _

_They take their seats at table thirty-four. I remember the exact position of their plates, the type of flowers in the centerpiece. _

_"They still don't know," she says, taking a bite of her ham and cheese sandwich. I hate ham and cheese sandwiches. "How she got out without a scratch." _

_My father sighs demurely. "A miracle, that is." _

_"That's not what I mean." _

_My heart's fluttering, anxious for her next sentence. It's nowhere near the Disney moment I was expecting._

_"She should be dead, blind or worse," she snapped, jabbing one perfect nail toward my door. "Why did the useless one have to escape?" _

_I don't know which hurts first, her biting words or the fact that my own father didn't say anything to deny it. _

* * *

"Do you want some water? A pillow?"

"Oh stop it Dan, she can't answer you! Sinead!"

The slightly hysterical female voice is muffled, maybe by a shirt.

"Love, you're not any help if you're panicking. Keep calm, and maybe we can figure this out."

The door opens with a loud bang as someone comes crashing in.

"What's goin' on? What's wrong with her?"

* * *

_Back in the building, time seems to slow down. Ted smashes into the door, head taking most of the impact. Ned screams something about his eye, and it feels like I'm stuck in a bad horror movie. _

_The screams of my brothers seem distant, but I don't know why. I take one last gasp of air, knowing the fire is burning through the oxygen levels. But it doesn't taste ashy at all, like all the books I've read described it as._

_I open my eyes, seeing for the first time since the explosion. The breeze whips through the trees, and I heard wood cracking. _

_And it's all my fault. _

* * *

When I sit up with a jolt, I'm tangled in a mess of sheets in a cold sweat. The concerned faces of Amy, Dan, Ian and Jonah are staring down at me. Is this part of the dream?

I take a shaky breath, looking down at my hands. No blood. No pills.

"I'm...I'm fine. Go back to bed."

* * *

Their faces are a mixture of disbelief, worry and horror. If it wasn't such a serious situation, I would find it quite comical.

"You're _fine_?"

Jonah waves a hand at the upturned sheets, the sweat beading off my forehead.

"You call this _fine_? Hyperventilating, screaming and we can't wake you up?"

He's yelling now, and the sad thing is that he's right.

"This is fine? Oh sure, this is a-o-fucking-kay!"

Amy doesn't even bother to correct him on his language.

In response, he turns on his heel and stomps out of the room. Dan leaves silently, as does Ian.

Amy shoots me a sad look, then whispers something about her being next door before leaving. She turns the light off with a sad click, closing the door.

I am shut off. Alone. Isn't this what I wanted?

I want to scream, so they'll come back. So Jonah will come back. I don't want to be left in the darkness, alone with the fire.

But I'm too proud to do that, so I turn on my side and try not to let the unshed tears spill. I'm a Starling, and Starlings aren't allowed to cry.


End file.
